Anxiety and depression: when you MUST seek professional help

I would say this: if you feel you cannot cope anymore, you need to seek help. And you should look for help if you’re stuck and cannot find your way alone.

If you suffer from anxiety or depression, it can be essential to know if you no longer can handle the situation on your own. Some ‘red flags’ are apparent, aren’t they? Such as:

• You’re thinking of harming yourself or ending your life.
• You’re thinking of harming other people.
• Extreme persistent anxiety or recurring panic attacks.
• Persistent hopelessness, helplessness, and meaninglessness.

(Featured image: How do you know when to seek professional help? AI-generated illustration.)

This is not an exhaustive list; I cannot produce one because everyone’s situation is unique. But this isn’t the main problem. The main problem is that often, it’s virtually impossible even to see that we’re approaching this border:

The border between what you can handle and what you can’t

Sometimes, anxiety and depression develop slowly and smoothly from discomfort to devastation. One day isn’t much worse than the day before, so how can we see that thin red line? Still, the days grow steadily darker; before we know it, everything falls apart, and we can’t cope anymore.

Most likely, we didn’t want to see that we were out in the borderlands either. Not being able to cope means we are weak, right? That’s what we’re taught to believe, and the shame of mental health challenges hits with full force.

Often, it’s easier to see (and admit) we’re in an unmanageable situation if it’s triggered by one big traumatic event. It’s acceptable to say we’re shaken off our foundations if we’ve been in a terrible car accident. It’s much more challenging if we’ve been emotionally worn down by ‘small t trauma’, for instance.

Furthermore, we would want so much to be able to cope, wouldn’t we? Because:

It’s a matter of self-esteem and pride

Believe me, I know how hard it is to admit we need help. This made me wait decades too long before I started to do anything to fix my own problems.

And believe me, the damage we do to ourselves when we wait too long harms our self-esteem and pride, let alone our physical and mental health, much more than acting while we still have the energy and strength to look after ourselves.

So, WHEN should you seek professional help?

Whenever an everyday life starts falling apart, of course. If relationships are breaking up. If you’re not capable of doing your job. If stress makes you physically ill as well. Big things like that. However, many of us suffer way too long before this happens. And when it happens, it’s like hitting a brick wall at 90 miles an hour.

Here’s a rule of thumb I wish I’d thought of when I struggled the most: Check in with yourself now and then. Imagine that another unwelcome and stressful thing happens. For instance, what if you reverse into a lamppost and dent your car? How would it make you feel?

• “It’s a bl**dy nuisance, but I can handle it.” Or:
• “No, NO, NO, I can’t take anymore!!!”

We all have different pain thresholds, both physically and mentally. We are all in unique situations. But if relatively small imagined events give you the “No, NO, NO” feeling, I’d say it’s time to seek help. 

Because sh*t always happens, big or small, whether we are in a good place or not when it happens. That’s life. 

Please don’t wait until the inevitable potholes of an ordinary, messy life are too hard to handle.