Anxiety and depression: why YOU are your most important helper

Whatever your situation, whether you’re slightly miserable or seriously ill, you are and will forever be your most important healthcare professional anyway – and, in most cases, the only one you’ll need.

If you are suffering from anxiety or depression, healing is your journey. This journey will be brief for some people, and for others, it will be long. You might do it on your own, or you may need help. Still, there is one person without whom the journey will neither start nor succeed. This is you.

Now, this might sound frightening if you are feeling really low or scared. I know that. You don’t want more responsibility put upon your shoulders. You have more than enough to carry already, right?

(Featured image: Understanding your own importance to your healing – AI-generated illustration.)

Bad news and good news

I’m here to be honest, so I’ll immediately give you one ‘bad’ news and one good one. Let’s have the ‘bad’ news first:

• No one else can ‘fix’ your problem for you.

It is possible, and sometimes necessary, to get help, but nothing will happen without you as the primary crew member.

However, did you see I used quotation marks to write ‘bad’? Because this isn’t necessarily bad news only. Its flipside is actually my good news for you:

• There are so many things you can do to improve your situation.

The fact that so much of the journey depends on you means essential things are under your control. I won’t promise it will be easy. I wouldn’t lie to you. But I’m saying it’s possible. Change is possible. There are things you can do to start and stay on your journey towards a better life.

But let’s look at the ‘bad’ and good news in more detail.

No one else can ‘fix’ your problem for you

There is no magic wand, no intricate spells someone can use to dispel your anxiety or depression problem suddenly and effortlessly.

There is no red or blue pill to choose between, and suddenly, you can see the whole truth, as in the film ‘The Matrix’.

There is no one simple thing you can do (such as start thinking positively), and your whole world will shift on its foundations and change.

There are people who can guide and help you on your way, such as counsellors and psychologists, but you are the one who has to walk the walk. When there is work to be done on bad memories or stuck emotions, for instance, you are the one who must do it.

This doesn’t mean your journey out of anxiety or depression necessarily will be long and hard. If, for instance, you are scared and low because your work situation is crap, finding a new job might solve the whole problem. But nothing will change unless you acknowledge your problem and decide you want to do something about it.

And remember:

You are the only living expert on the matter (you)

Only you know first-hand how you think and feel.

You are the only one who knows if something changes in the way you think and feel. This means you will be the one who knows what works or not on your journey.

This also means that in most cases, the only mental health professional you really need is yourself. However, being your own troubleshooter puts some requirements on you:

• You need to be totally honest with yourself. You must look for the truth, not what you wish to see.
• You must be willing to change the situation according to what you need, not what you want.
• Knowing what you need might involve doing some uncomfortable work on yourself.

Because we all have problems differentiating between what we need and want and tend to shy away from discomfort, we may sometimes benefit from some guidance or at least some second opinions.

However:

At the end of the day, you’re still the captain on this journey

So, don’t let anyone tell you how you feel. They don’t know. You do.

And don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel. That’s none of their business. There are reasons why you feel like you feel.

Don’t be afraid to speak up if some advice or treatment doesn’t feel right for you. Sometimes, you might be wrong, of course. Sometimes, you’ll need to learn more about yourself to understand why it’s right for you. But if it really feels wrong (and it’s not only you who’s trying to avoid discomfort), it is most likely wrong for you. At least right now.

There is always something you can do

Even in the darkest moments. Even when you feel the most helpless. I recently saw this in someone’s Facebook post:

You can’t fix everything at once but you can fix something right now.

And this is true. If you:

• Acknowledge your problem.
• Understand that having a problem isn’t the same as being a problem.
• Let go of the deeply unfair mental health shame.
• Stop comparing yourself to others.
• Understand that problematic feelings aren’t always an illness.
• Understand that a mental health diagnosis (if you get one) isn’t a criminal conviction.
• And now: understand that you are your own best and most important carer.

Then, you are already well on your way to being prepared for your journey out of anxiety and depression. If you want some more real-life and realistic advice, you’ll find 33 more of them in this article: